nowhere to run to

when things have turned bad

i seemed to have lost

all the good things i had

so many voices, stinging my ears

the ones i thought loved me

have become my biggest fears

the sky has turned grey

the clouds have gone black

i'm stuck here alone

with no way to turn back

steel walls have blocked every path

glass has replaced my wooden floor

i wish that i could take a long bath

overflowing with all the right answers

...but there's nowhere to run to

and nowhere to hide

nothing to befriend me

and be my helpful guide

i'm lost in this ocean

of despair and confusion

it seems as if

life has turned into an illusion

...there's nowhere to run to.

...xrainingmusicx...

CONFUSION...is taking over my mind.

i try to leave all thoughts of you behind

when it comes to feelings, my heart has gone blind

i wish the answer is what i could find

...but im just too confused.

...this sucks

"I look forward to having a lot of fun with the girls" <--- what my new softball coach had to say.

how fricken perverted does THAT sound?  He's this fat old guy with a gobbley thing like a turkey.  I hate perverted guys, especially elderly ones.  Like there's this one creep with a hunchback who makes comments about our legs and calls us "gorgeous" and "good-lookin".  Once we were at the beach and he goes, "HAHAHAHAHAAA look its a whale condom! Haaaaa!!"  I hate creeps.  They're so...creepy.

she's there. constantly there. creeping around my shoulder, she hits me like a boulder.  words are stinging at the back of my neck. but then we're laughing.  a smile bouncing on her face.  then replace by a frown, so empty and blank.  i have to watch my words and actions, so closely to be safe.  to make sure to do things at just the right pace.  critical, her eyes are pinned straight onto me.  watching my every move.  can you say pressure? her walls are pressed up hard against me.  i'm not sure how to escape.  she doesn't want to hear me, because of course im always wrong.  she thinks i waste time writing each poem and song.  could i witness the reaction of her apalled, enraged face...as I criticize that woman staring back at me.  I am her living, flesh and blood.  Her face is echoed upon mine.  Our insides are compacted of various shapes.  I am different, I am strong.  And I have been right all along.  She is the one, so confused and abstract.  Very psychotic, to be exact.  Forcing me against the wall, spitting shouts at me like she knows it all.  Always replying, "you can't" or "you should've". take into consideration that i can and i couldn't have.  you believe every word that slips away from your lips and mixes into the air we breathe.  i believe what i think, and think what i believe.  and this woman that i'm living with, under strict circumstantial laws, is my mother.  my crazy loving mother full of hatred, tears, and tries.  tireless and weakened from all mistakes and cries.  my house holds every scream and plead for immediate help and rescue.  and here, right now...this is the place that it has come to.